I'm off single mom duty now. J was in Berlin (!) for five days last week, and I realized once again how glad I am to have a partner in this kid raising business. I know many people do a beautiful job of it on their own, but frankly, I don't know how. I guess necessity is the mother of invention (did I get that right?).
But he's back now, and I can focus more clearly on the sense of panic and life spun out of control that is my lot in the weeks before Christmas. Too much to do! Too much work! Too many projects! Actual life to lead while trying to accomplish all these things! Essentially I think my problem is
a. I ALWAYS manage to take on more than I can actually do, and
b. Christmas, for me, is an Event, and events require planning, and planning is, kindly put, not a strong suit of mine.
c. Oh, and did I mention that I'm a perfectionist? And that by god I will make Christmas a magical experience for the kids? Or else?
If you think it sounds like I am a delight to live with right now, especially for a spouse who has a decidedly different take on the holiday, then you are right. Back when I was not the producer, director and stage manager for the holiday experience I could never understand why so many people commit suicide at this time of year. Now I do. Which is a bit sad, really.
Today should be a good day, though. I will be forcibly removed from all my concerns, as we have tickets to the Nutcracker in San Francisco. C's birthday was last weekend, and she's all about ballerinas these days. We asked the boys if they wanted to go too; M accepted (he's our theatre guy) and F declined. So four of us will be heading down to the city for the day, along with our good friends from up the hill who also have a little girl (C's soulmate, except when she's not--it's a very siblinglike relationship).
There are about 20 bazillion productions of the Nutcracker around, but we wanted an extravaganza. I took F down there when he was four, and they were actually making snow at the entrance, so that it sifted down onto you as you walked in. How can it get better than that? Apparently they're filming it for PBS this year, so we CANNOT BE LATE, or they won't let us in. Yikes
And on a completely different note, here's another one of C's little word confusions that will inevitably become extinct: Girl cheese sandwich. I love this. For grilled cheese, of course.